You think you know pain?
Try being the lovely lassie who sprayed Right Guard on her freshly shaven armpits and then commenced into a equally lovely repetoire of moaning and screams.
Or you could be me with aching abs as I laughed my ass off at her ;)
Officially a pretty cool Halloween...
Went to work dressed as Bowie in Labyrinth and kinda stuffed my crotch with paper towels and a bag of chips until I had the ideal package for the costume....
That thing really works its magic in grey tights... which by the way, were totally transparent! I had to throw on a pair of boxers beneath it that worked really well. You could hardly tell I was wearing em.
We had 3 women come into the shop dressed as the Wicked Witch Of The West, Glenda, and Oz.
I was fucking impressed, looked fan-damn-tastic!
When I walked their food out to them, all eyes seemed glued to my bulge...
"You know... when you walked from behind that counter... your costume from the waist-down just seemed to come alive!"
Fucking amazing...
Well until I got home anyways...
I got to finish setting up the haunted house but with the arrival of dark, came the ill-fated pitter patter of those really ditzy girls.
Ive had to endure conversations with them and Jessica such as...
"Like... this is a party? Where are like... all the people?! We're early?... really?"
You know that lightbulb of epiphany?
I so heard that fizzle and pop!
So... my Halloween night has been reduced to blogging, playing Dead Rising, and texting a few friends.
Hmm...
Patrick's getting married tomorrow...
Oh joy!
Friday, October 31, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus Brand Vibrators
Hannah Montana Brand Products
Where you get the best of both worlds!
With top of the line products such as :
The Hannah Montana Brand Lunch Recipticle SLASH Karaoke Machine
The Hannah Montana Brand Trash Compactor SLASH Candelabra
The Hannah Montana Brand Ladle SLASH Guitar Tuner
The Hannah Montana Brand Battle Axe SLASH Toenail Clipper
The Hannah Montana Brand Microphone SLASH Pepper Mill
The Hannah Montana Brand T-Shirt SLASH Ice Cube Tray
The Hannah Montana Brand Hair Soap
The Hannah Montana Brand Sleeping Comforter
Everything is efficient and useful!
And now, with an adult line!
Introducing,
The Hannah Montana Brand Vibrator.
- Its a microphone!
- It changes colours when warmed!
- It cums with its own little blonde wig!
"You get the best of both girls
You fuck yourself slow
Then you cock out the show"
In no way endorsed by or affilated with Hannah Montana / Miley Cyrus / Disney Channel. although we apparently love her so much we obsessively, illegally, smash seemingly random household items together to make crazy Hannah Montana Brand products. WE LOVE YOU MILEY. HAVE OUR BABIES!!!!!111 All rights reserved
The fuck is hair soap anyways?
Orange Cream Swirl Shakes!!
The girl at Arby's with the cute smile gave me extra cream in my shake today.
With a name like Shasta, I can't help but wonder what her mother was thinking...
I've always liked the woman up there with the glasses.
I think she's a manager.
Her hair is drawn back hot against her scalp into a dense little bun at the back.
Entirely too tight for a blonde.
I always seemed to notice the hairs that got away from that Gordian knot.
I smile inside at the sight of them.
The woman seems little prudish at first but when she smiles, you see it.
I tipped her on homecoming night when I got Keely and myself a shake.
That's when I first saw it. That smile and that slow ignition that comes from getting to know a person like her.
It's just like starting an old car on a winter morning, where your bitten by frost and breathe rough fog patches out as the engine whines and whirs but combusts as all good little internal combustion engines do, and should.
There's an expectation we all have come to inherit.
We want to be liked
Even when we say we don't
After all we like to warm our toes don't we?
Dear Prudence, won't you come out to play?
Today, she was in the kitchen talking with an employee and noticed me waiting at the pickup counter, and she began to wave at me energetically from behind the turnover oven.
I suppose there has to be something at the end of the denouement, even if I can't see it.
Then again, I've never been one to settle for such unravellings.
I prefer sequels.
I think I've made a new friend.
With a name like Shasta, I can't help but wonder what her mother was thinking...
I've always liked the woman up there with the glasses.
I think she's a manager.
Her hair is drawn back hot against her scalp into a dense little bun at the back.
Entirely too tight for a blonde.
I always seemed to notice the hairs that got away from that Gordian knot.
I smile inside at the sight of them.
The woman seems little prudish at first but when she smiles, you see it.
I tipped her on homecoming night when I got Keely and myself a shake.
That's when I first saw it. That smile and that slow ignition that comes from getting to know a person like her.
It's just like starting an old car on a winter morning, where your bitten by frost and breathe rough fog patches out as the engine whines and whirs but combusts as all good little internal combustion engines do, and should.
There's an expectation we all have come to inherit.
We want to be liked
Even when we say we don't
After all we like to warm our toes don't we?
Dear Prudence, won't you come out to play?
Today, she was in the kitchen talking with an employee and noticed me waiting at the pickup counter, and she began to wave at me energetically from behind the turnover oven.
I suppose there has to be something at the end of the denouement, even if I can't see it.
Then again, I've never been one to settle for such unravellings.
I prefer sequels.
I think I've made a new friend.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
The Henderson's Will All Be There
Late of Pablo Fanque's fair!
Ive got a book about the story behind every Beatle's song, a Pulp Fiction and Kill Bill poster, concert posters for Queen and Blondie, a Flight of the Conchords CD, the new Death Cab album, Ragtime, a few new shirts from AE and a Doors t-shirt from Virgin, and a book entitled World War Z which was written by the same guy who wrote the Zombie Survival Guide.
All for 150 dollars.
Damn I am good for a person on such a slim budget. Love me some Grapevine Mills.
Still, it's going to be the last time I can go to the mall for a while.
And I am damn well not going to let the fact that the system fucked me over, get me down.
I am teh Clifto
If anyone can make the best of androngenous times, I know I damn well can.
Nothing job wise for art.Yet...
Still making sandwiches and burgers depending on what day of the week it is...
Soon as Cunning gets back from Italy, we are to be planning the summer for yours truly.
She suggested hanging my artwork at Starbucks.Enjoy artistic cynicism with your morning cappucino...
And I've watching all the boxed sets I own of Charmed.
I secretly want to be Prue/Piper Halliwell
Shh, don't tell ;)
Ive got a book about the story behind every Beatle's song, a Pulp Fiction and Kill Bill poster, concert posters for Queen and Blondie, a Flight of the Conchords CD, the new Death Cab album, Ragtime, a few new shirts from AE and a Doors t-shirt from Virgin, and a book entitled World War Z which was written by the same guy who wrote the Zombie Survival Guide.
All for 150 dollars.
Damn I am good for a person on such a slim budget. Love me some Grapevine Mills.
Still, it's going to be the last time I can go to the mall for a while.
And I am damn well not going to let the fact that the system fucked me over, get me down.
I am teh Clifto
If anyone can make the best of androngenous times, I know I damn well can.
Nothing job wise for art.Yet...
Still making sandwiches and burgers depending on what day of the week it is...
Soon as Cunning gets back from Italy, we are to be planning the summer for yours truly.
She suggested hanging my artwork at Starbucks.Enjoy artistic cynicism with your morning cappucino...
And I've watching all the boxed sets I own of Charmed.
I secretly want to be Prue/Piper Halliwell
Shh, don't tell ;)
Monday, June 9, 2008
Drama Du Jour
Love to love ya baby.
Well if I had anything loving rolling for me right now than hey, thatd be kosher with me.
Not too happy.
Started that first day of the rest of my life thing.
Why do some teachers look like they just popped out of a Better Home & Garden circa 1952?
Still,It made my day when I went to go pick up an art piece and Cunning had left an envelope of junk in the bottom of the showcase.Really feels great to know some people are still pushing you forward when youre sailing in stagnant waters.
Got back
Took a nap
Went to work and the drama struck once more.Still,We remediated the drama with the commencement of David Bowie, Spektor, and Don Henley tunes.
And have since spent the evening discussing how to surgically make oneself whole again in the babymakin department with Eric's mom.
Also watching Monk and Scrubs.
All in all, rating for the day 7
Only because I have had a pretty kickin evening watching the cynicism on nighttime telly.
Well if I had anything loving rolling for me right now than hey, thatd be kosher with me.
Not too happy.
Started that first day of the rest of my life thing.
Why do some teachers look like they just popped out of a Better Home & Garden circa 1952?
Still,It made my day when I went to go pick up an art piece and Cunning had left an envelope of junk in the bottom of the showcase.Really feels great to know some people are still pushing you forward when youre sailing in stagnant waters.
Got back
Took a nap
Went to work and the drama struck once more.Still,We remediated the drama with the commencement of David Bowie, Spektor, and Don Henley tunes.
And have since spent the evening discussing how to surgically make oneself whole again in the babymakin department with Eric's mom.
Also watching Monk and Scrubs.
All in all, rating for the day 7
Only because I have had a pretty kickin evening watching the cynicism on nighttime telly.
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