Mindless Ranting | Episode 4

"They say that New Zealand is beautiful. Though after 22 hours on a plane, any land is beautiful! We could have landed on a tiny iceberg in the middle of nowhere with just two penguins fucking... and I would have been thrilled to see them."

"Coming back to America, you realize that we are the only country that reminds the world on a nearly constat basis... that we are the greatest fucking country on the planet. Imagine the world... imagine going to work and having to deal with a guy that says "I'm the greatest fucking one here! Hahaha!" I guarantee you by the end of the week... you would have killed him... and eaten him... just to try and take his power."

Lewis Black is a fucking genius

Courtney is'nt doing so well and well, may lose her job... Guess who will get more hours...

We had a woman come in tonight with her boyfriend and well... her face was caked in blood. All I could say?
"That's hot..."
Apparently she had killed her first buck...
Did he rub her nose in it?

I tell Sarah about this story on Facebook

"And her response...
...ooh maybe it wasnt a buck
...maybe it was a woman
...another woman
...THE other woman"

Get on your knees and service her
Repeatedly :D

Mindless Ranting | Episode 3.5

"You're still young! You'll naturally grow out of seeing the bright side of things!"

I've been writing on my arm today anytime I had a sudden amusing thought.
Working cash register like that was interesting

With lines like...

"Bring sex into the matter and well, Snap! Crackle! Pop!"

and

"I've always wanted to join a cult! They offer such great benefits"

Yeah

Awesome :D

Mindless Ranting | Episode 3

"Barbie doesnt stand for going green! She doesnt stand for anything! If she could possibly stand on her impossibly arched pygmy feet"

Stephen Colbert is a fucking genius!

Ive come up with a pen name

There's a live band at Alvin Ord's on Friday night.
They're a duo called "Hooked On T"
You = Should Go
Tommy says theyre good, then again, he's getting on in his years and senilty.


I fought with mom today
We officially arent related anymore.

Ehh, good riddance
If she has something against the one's I care about, than I don't need her.

Anyways, she kicked me out... nothing says "Let's show you how we care" via the doorknob smacking your ass on the way out.


I don't much care for my work schedule this week
Neither does my mother...
I've got more hours that you
Bitch
:D

Jess has nearly finished the Twilight series
I'm happy for her
I'm still not picking up the damn things.


Also... for further reference K-mart shoppers
My nipples are allergic to the cold it seems...
You might keep this in mind when you see me changing the marquee and I look like I can cut glass with my man-tits

Mindless Ranting | Episode 2

-"What do you like to do for fun?"
-"Oh I dunno... I like to play chess... I like to screw?"
-"... Let's play chess..."

Mel Brooks is a fucking genius

My 120 gb Zune is apparently a "nice piece of equipment." My dick? A sad runner up... Better luck next year...

My grandmother apparently likes Keely. I've also introduced her to Eddie Izzard and Regina Spektor. She also said something to the accord of me becoming a stripper named Wachovia because both are associated with money.


Wal-mart's tried releasing its own line of Hollister/Abercrombie/Aero/AE knockoffs... tried being the operative word mind you.


Sex Changes is now one of my favorite songs.
The Dresden Dolls = Astounding & Resounding

This weekend is First Monday unfortunately... and I never had time to formulate an excuse as to why I could not go... I need the money though...

I don't get to sleep in my own bed until Sunday evening. Fucking a...

My father is apparently not coming to Thanksgiving tomorrow despite the fact that I was threatened with my life that if I did not come... well... you get the idea.


*makes power drill to temple motion*

-"In a frenzy of passion... all logical thinking as to preventing children goes out the door"
-"But Zsa Zsa, in a frenzy of passion... the condom comes out of the pocket"

Mindless Ranting | Episode 1

Hmm...
Im not normally a big Twilight guy
But Im not gonna lie, the movie wasnt half bad.


Jess is really starting to get into the books.

With as stressed as she's been lately, it's good thing really.


I got a facebook
Its pretty shaweet yeah
Add me?
Added a new blog last night
Simon Armitage kicks ass in my book.


I need to finish that thing I was writing for Brinkmanno
Also need to figure out how to extract tunes from Myspace
Ive got work at 4
Text/call or something
Message if ya need the number

So... Poison...

Is pretty much Beach Boys with the condom taken off
This music is meant to impregnate!

Why Everyone Should Get On Their Knees And Service Deb

Cliff says:
I officially despise tweenyboppers

Debbie says:
what happened

Cliff says:
them hitting on me on myyearbook

Debbie says:
hahaha

Cliff says:
this one girl in indiana is trying to convince me that we went to school together and she had the biggest thing for me

Cliff says:
and she told me a bunch of stuff that pretty much said weve never met

Cliff says:
ever

Cliff says:
and when I start pointing out her flaws she just rants off

Cliff says:
"Whatever Cliff whatever. This is why we havent talked in 2 years. Youre a jerk. Thats why we havent spoken.
You may be sexy as hell and fucking hot but no, youre a jerk and thats why we havent spoken"

Debbie says:
dude

Debbie says:
make a new name and convince her that you are her birth father, and her mother fucked around and youve been looking for her her whole life

How Angelina Tortures Jen!

This is officially the greatest cover title to any magazine in the history of this small spinning planet
I could so see them in an S&M relationship
No way Id open the cover though
I dont want to ruin this nice little daydream :D

A couple conclusions

The movie of Twilight...
Can best be summed up with the song "Talk Dirty To Me" by Poison

Keely's mom...
Actually has a lot in common with my American Eagle jeans
They come pre-distressed
Holy (holey) in their own right
And you have to enjoy em because you paid 60 bucks for em just so you could stick things into them...

The last one was pretty terrible I know

You Remind Me Of The Babe

You think you know pain?
Try being the lovely lassie who sprayed Right Guard on her freshly shaven armpits and then commenced into a equally lovely repetoire of moaning and screams.
Or you could be me with aching abs as I laughed my ass off at her ;)

Officially a pretty cool Halloween...
Went to work dressed as Bowie in Labyrinth and kinda stuffed my crotch with paper towels and a bag of chips until I had the ideal package for the costume....
That thing really works its magic in grey tights... which by the way, were totally transparent! I had to throw on a pair of boxers beneath it that worked really well. You could hardly tell I was wearing em.
We had 3 women come into the shop dressed as the Wicked Witch Of The West, Glenda, and Oz.
I was fucking impressed, looked fan-damn-tastic!
When I walked their food out to them, all eyes seemed glued to my bulge...

"You know... when you walked from behind that counter... your costume from the waist-down just seemed to come alive!"

Fucking amazing...

Well until I got home anyways...

I got to finish setting up the haunted house but with the arrival of dark, came the ill-fated pitter patter of those really ditzy girls.
Ive had to endure conversations with them and Jessica such as...

"Like... this is a party? Where are like... all the people?! We're early?... really?"

You know that lightbulb of epiphany?
I so heard that fizzle and pop!

So... my Halloween night has been reduced to blogging, playing Dead Rising, and texting a few friends.

Hmm...

Patrick's getting married tomorrow...

Oh joy!

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Everything is efficient and useful!

And now, with an adult line!

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- Its a microphone!

- It changes colours when warmed!

- It cums with its own little blonde wig!

"You get the best of both girls

You fuck yourself slow

Then you cock out the show"

In no way endorsed by or affilated with Hannah Montana / Miley Cyrus / Disney Channel. although we apparently love her so much we obsessively, illegally, smash seemingly random household items together to make crazy Hannah Montana Brand products. WE LOVE YOU MILEY. HAVE OUR BABIES!!!!!111 All rights reserved

The fuck is hair soap anyways?

Orange Cream Swirl Shakes!!

The girl at Arby's with the cute smile gave me extra cream in my shake today.
With a name like Shasta, I can't help but wonder what her mother was thinking...
I've always liked the woman up there with the glasses.
I think she's a manager.
Her hair is drawn back hot against her scalp into a dense little bun at the back.
Entirely too tight for a blonde.
I always seemed to notice the hairs that got away from that Gordian knot.
I smile inside at the sight of them.
The woman seems little prudish at first but when she smiles, you see it.
I tipped her on homecoming night when I got Keely and myself a shake.
That's when I first saw it. That smile and that slow ignition that comes from getting to know a person like her.
It's just like starting an old car on a winter morning, where your bitten by frost and breathe rough fog patches out as the engine whines and whirs but combusts as all good little internal combustion engines do, and should.
There's an expectation we all have come to inherit.
We want to be liked
Even when we say we don't
After all we like to warm our toes don't we?
Dear Prudence, won't you come out to play?

Today, she was in the kitchen talking with an employee and noticed me waiting at the pickup counter, and she began to wave at me energetically from behind the turnover oven.
I suppose there has to be something at the end of the denouement, even if I can't see it.
Then again, I've never been one to settle for such unravellings.
I prefer sequels.

I think I've made a new friend.

The Henderson's Will All Be There

Late of Pablo Fanque's fair!

Ive got a book about the story behind every Beatle's song, a Pulp Fiction and Kill Bill poster, concert posters for Queen and Blondie, a Flight of the Conchords CD, the new Death Cab album, Ragtime, a few new shirts from AE and a Doors t-shirt from Virgin, and a book entitled World War Z which was written by the same guy who wrote the Zombie Survival Guide.

All for 150 dollars.

Damn I am good for a person on such a slim budget. Love me some Grapevine Mills.

Still, it's going to be the last time I can go to the mall for a while.

And I am damn well not going to let the fact that the system fucked me over, get me down.
I am teh Clifto

If anyone can make the best of androngenous times, I know I damn well can.

Nothing job wise for art.Yet...

Still making sandwiches and burgers depending on what day of the week it is...

Soon as Cunning gets back from Italy, we are to be planning the summer for yours truly.

She suggested hanging my artwork at Starbucks.Enjoy artistic cynicism with your morning cappucino...

And I've watching all the boxed sets I own of Charmed.
I secretly want to be Prue/Piper Halliwell

Shh, don't tell ;)

Drama Du Jour

Love to love ya baby.

Well if I had anything loving rolling for me right now than hey, thatd be kosher with me.

Not too happy.

Started that first day of the rest of my life thing.

Why do some teachers look like they just popped out of a Better Home & Garden circa 1952?

Still,It made my day when I went to go pick up an art piece and Cunning had left an envelope of junk in the bottom of the showcase.Really feels great to know some people are still pushing you forward when youre sailing in stagnant waters.

Got back
Took a nap
Went to work and the drama struck once more.Still,We remediated the drama with the commencement of David Bowie, Spektor, and Don Henley tunes.

And have since spent the evening discussing how to surgically make oneself whole again in the babymakin department with Eric's mom.
Also watching Monk and Scrubs.
All in all, rating for the day 7
Only because I have had a pretty kickin evening watching the cynicism on nighttime telly.